“I have to take advantage of the opportunities that life has given to me. My obligation is to try to be as happy as the Saharawi people are and to give as much love as they do. I must LIVE my life. I must LIVE my life. I must LIVE my life.” This reflection that I have brought from the Sahara constantly sounds in my mind, every day. Sometimes I do not listen to it, but it still resonates in the subconscious. And even if I am not aware of it, but with this mantra, my life starts to change.
As soon as I return home I make a decision that I should have made some time ago, I quit university. I’ve been studying engineering for three years now and I do not want to continue it. Well, actually I’ve only studied one semester, the other two and a half years I’ve done nothing but waste my time. When I finally give the news to my parents I cry, I cry of shame. I have been losing my time for 3 years, and what is worse, wasting my parents’ money.
Suddenly I find myself lost and aimless. So disoriented I am that I do something I would never have thought I would do, I go to a psychologist. I do not think that going to the psychologist is something bad or not normal. But for me, it is an unequivocal sign of how confused I am. I need someone to direct my steps amid so much confusion.
Time passes by and the situation gets worse. I break my shoulder, again. It has been 5 years since my first shoulder luxation and since then it has been a constant torture. The worst thing is that this dislocation means that I have to go through an operation again (the second one). Going back to an operating room again, having my arm in a sling for a month, and go through a long rehabilitation once more. But this injury entails a tougher decision: I need to quit football (soccer). I have been practising this sport for as long as I can remember and it fills my afternoons during the weekdays, my weekends, my motivation and my illusions. Now it’s time to abandon all that and it’s like leaving aside the best of myself.
Every now and then the mantra “I have to LIVE my life” comes to my mind, but little by little, to live is getting more and more complicated.